Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
