I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
