I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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