im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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