my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
