I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
