My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
