i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
