At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
