i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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