I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
