Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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