You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
