At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
