Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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