And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
