fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
