I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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