seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
