Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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