areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
only if we run a train.
done.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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