He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
