you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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