Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
