covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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