Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
