Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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