next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
