That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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