found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
