I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
