I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
