I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
