She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
