I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
