So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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