Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
