Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
