she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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