hotel room ftw
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
