i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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