I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
