You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
