i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
