i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
