Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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