you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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