she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
