And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
