Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
