the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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