no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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