oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
