Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
