Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
