After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
