Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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