I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
