i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
