I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
