Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
